Monday, September 03, 2012

opportunities, three times.

Was it an accident that you bump into me early on. Yes it was two thousand six. You were young, still in school and I was in self imposed exile, repositioning myself after a bout of emotional turmoil. It was standard correspondence between a person and another. Nothing more nothing less.

Then it became a necessity, and we communicated daily, and that also was normal from a person to another. It was the continuous familiarity that somehow evolved stronger, still a normal friendship. I was quite frank earlier on about the two important elements in my life.   Our relationship bloomed further. There moments for withdrawal but the love engine was in full gear.


Firstly about a person that had to go separate ways, mkckzpn had to look after her career and the package that came with it.  A  career, another man with royal ties, and a proposal. I was bitter then for mum and dad refusing to go for a fresh proposal.  I went over to Sabah for a decent exit and a nursing stint for injured soul. Luck was on my side for the quick recovery, having understanding  friends, Gilbert, Albert and a few more, and a rapid developing business.  Then when I mentioned about my sister's friend, you didn't wait long to say it should ended here and now.


and yet friendship continued longer. Somewhere along the way I mentioned about everybody's wish to see me with sister's friend. They thought they were doing me a favour. Dad, Mum, sisters, brothers and the toughest is my very own younger sister, all ganged up to see it through. Again, you thought it was best to say goodbye. I felt sorry for everybody, you yourself, herself and myself. Didn't you remember that lasted for a few days..., and we hanged on to the unstoppable friendship. It was love as we saw it.


and finally when I was around for the convocation, seeing you being so happy with the rest of the family. I chose not to declare for obvious reason. It could make the matter worse bringing you along a tough lane. i am sorry not to end your joyous feeling with something more memorable. I chose to keep to myself and felt so bad. I know I hurt you  for not keeping the promise. But that would probably be the best thing I could do......... I knew you sensed something was not very right. The whole   LLLPPP  added to the turmoil. I knew you felt helpless. I hope you can rest assured that it couldn't come from me.  If I was ever with the slightest dirty shrewd mind, you could by now see those at every corner of the whole world wide web. Nope. I never break the limit of decency and respect.


then there was an .accident i never told you. that brought me down, unable to walk for weeks. There was a long pause, a real break. It was bad of me to bring you along the devastating emotional journey. But I always believe in you being able to get out of the turmoil, safe. 

For whatever that we had gone through, is a milestone in the long journey. We do learn a few things along the way. To a certain point, at hindsight I believe that our relationship manage to keep you contained and safe during varsity days. 

About sister's friend, she is alright but a lot closer to my sister than to me. I have made attempts to close up the gap, but I suppose my injured soul is too hardened to change.  Certain things changed when the little one appeared.  We remain respecting one another, while making efforts to close up the gap. I think the little one has unknowingly helped us through.

Dearest, I wish you luck, and please love him as much as you can. I am trying with mine. Kak N has been patient enough to allow developmental space. Mckzpn has her trailer to busy about and we are in good term.   With you it's different, I don't wish to add salt to wound.........

This would probably be the last blog post. I don't know.....  If you think about it carefully, there is nothing to feel bad and sorry about. It will remain in the many pages of LIFE, and can never be deleted.

Lirik Lagu Jangan Tinggal Daku - P.Ramlee
Jangan tinggal dakuOh adik oh juwitaKanda sedang rinduPada mu yang manis jelita
Hanya dikau seorangOh bintang oh pujaanTempat kasih sayangHarapan di masa hadapan
Andai dinda pergiDaku teman tiadaMeratap sunyiHampa merana
O o o jangan tinggal dakuO dewi O maniskuKanda rindu selaluSenyuman yang manis bermadu
Andai dinda pergiDaju teman tiadaMeratap sunyiHampa merana
O o o jangan tinggal dakuO dewi O maniskuKanda rindu selaluSenyuman yang manis bermadu


  1. Sdr Dienn

    Saya cuba meneliti luahan hati sdr dari perspektif yang bermacam-macam. Pertama saya kagum kerana sdr selesa dan cuba untuk bergerak kedepan, namun tidak malu-malu untuk pandang kebelakang. Pada pandangan saya, tidak ada jawapan yang tepat untuk semua kejadian dan peristiwa dalam hidup ini.

    Penulisan sdr sangat menarik, sdr cuba beri pengertian kepada isu dan kejadian yang berlaku. Teruskan menulis.

    Usaha, Doa dan Tawakal adalah jawapannya.

    1. Tq.., semua dalam ketentuan. cuma waktu2 tertentu sedikit kupasan membantu lebih memahami.

  2. assalamualaikum.
    terima kasih atas kunjungan ke blog saya :)
    for me, jodoh pertemuan ditangan tuhan, insyaallah Allah lebih tahu. wahh feeling ustazah kan. but acik sendiri pernah lagi byk terluka sebelom jumpa incik tunang skrg. :)
    good luck.

    - acik oren -

    1. Tq.. acik oren. Agaknya lain kali, bakal mertua acik oren hulur 3 ekor ayam kampung baru sembelih untuk tidakan selanjutnya!!.. Hidup ni memang kena gerak ke depan.......

  3. dienn,
    How painful on both sides, I can imagine. Spring back!!