Sunday, September 30, 2012

may i remind you, serenity seemingly endless

how can I put it to you,
that there is a blog idling
on the other side of black/white world
very melodic, serenity seemingly endless

and a question I wish to ask
do you happen to forget the id and password
that the blog should stay as looking
and yet not knowing.

It's within your choice dearest,
either it deserves to be dormant indefinitely
or it stays awake in the blackness of night
or with a little jerk, it gets morning refreshment
or you wish to kill it off as brutal settlement..

but you may wish to deviate a bit
as we had familiarised ourselves
over years of alerts and alarms
to breath life into it's innocent soul.

a step, always a step

Saturday, September 29, 2012

separate cars

Someone did mention it to me
that wouldn't it be nice and sweet
if we travel together
to work, in the same car
myself and little one's mother.

Familiarity brings contempt
is the phrase seldom used
but that is a definite reminder
by the olds to the youngs.

I generally am not office bound,
mind and soul are all over
the many business ventures.

So we keep going to work in separate cars.


Friday, September 28, 2012

The closeness

Is it reciprocity I wonder,
or a pure mutuality
of the two souls
I, a learning dad
she, a growing daughter.

For having to be away often
on responsibility not forsaken
on assignments to be driven
and she learns about the absence.

An effort to cope with relationship
developing the familiarity and kinship
as I downgrade my vocabulary
for an adventure I reserve no worry

I am beginning to learn
within that split second shift
between eyes and lips
of how she pushes emotional signal
through her two lovely eyes
followed a second later by the beautiful lips
as she assembled little words
as she yelled out loud
as she invited me
as she seek attention
through the journey of closeness

and now I am the learner.....

I learn to stay

Thursday, September 27, 2012

It's my turn to say

Lets stretch far back to early years
when we share moments to the depth of night
giving meaning to the reality of friendship
as an entity without form but substance.

It was the period when waiting is killing
as we began to explore the core and the circumference
undertanding the constraint and yet kept sailing
as I mentioned about the two names.

The peculiarity of twist of fate
putting mkckzpn and me in a soup hotter than fire
pushing myself to the brink of sanity
retreating for  solace in a far away place.

As the the trauma healed over time
there is need for new chapter
and in their hope for a repair
pushing myself into a bout of another despair

It was Lia and then sister's friend.
and they cant find a better chance
not understanding what's in my mind
as I nurse the cut my way, my own way

It was you my dearest
the dearest of friend
that rekindle the flame
that I thought had been dim, never fire.

_______ dienn _______
twisting fate, tearing hearts

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

OH DEAR : picture of the week

the little one
The heat in her,
my little one,
as the scale passed beyond normal,
and the way she cried,
over my shoulder.............

and she said something,
in painful tears,
as i put medicine in her little mouth.

and she wouldn't allow me
to go beyond her reach
even for a minute.

___ dienn ___
dad to the little one.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I really want to write this.

It was supposed to be a deciding moment, the day when I stopped at Gxcxck. I called and you were not there. The stop at Gxcxck was meant to be a complete U-turn of my life and yours too. Only my little sister knew, because she was with me. But let's not harp over the past, because we only have future to walk through.

_______ dienn _______

tears of damning dawn


Monday, September 24, 2012

bunga aroma, warna irama

purple aroma irama
kembang semalam
menyerlah, kuncup dan gugur
aroma yang mengasyik
celah warna yang mengusik
bersalut rentak irama dinamik

yang gugur itu fizikal
yang abadi tentu memori.

memori tersemat di hati

untukmu masa yang bahagia
selama-lamanya, satu doa.

___ pqrs ___
i am always here

Sunday, September 23, 2012

anda harus cuba

anda telah cuba
memberi tanda-tanda
reaksi pada tanya-tanya

namun anda masih takut-takut
untuk memberi satu deklarasi
tentang anda dan dia.

pertama anda perlu segera
tukarkan status anda di alam maya

tiada apa yang perlu ditakuti.
aku kekal di tepi dan sentiasa mengamati.

jangan ada sesiapa menganiyai si puteri
sumber ilham jantung hati.

____ PQrs____
have a nice day

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Debaran untuk pengantin

Itulah yang dirasa
waktu mengatur langkah
meneroka liku-liku hidup
esuk lusa

dengan diiringi doa
titisan air mata gembira
memimpin ke tangga persada
untuk masa, demi masa.

i am here to stay
i have not pushed my email away,

Friday, September 21, 2012

Wedding Poem - Puisi perkahwinan

- by the perfect bridesmaid

Wedding Night
The night you have dreamed of is finally here
The future surrounds you with hope and yet fear
You’ve wanted so long to find your perfect mate
Sip this wine and toast this perfect date
The night is meant for you to share
Enjoy each other – a perfect pair!!

First Fight
When fights occur and tempers get hot
Pour a glass and be thankful for what you’ve got
If you always agreed it would certainly be a bore
And by asking for (BRIDE's) hand (GROOM) is surely
in for more!

First Anniversary
Been married a year, where did the time go?
No longer newlyweds, now you are pros
Hope the days found you in good health and
good spirit
Keep saying I love you –
one always needs to hear it!
Now toast this first date, it’s certainly not the last
And as you build your future don’t ever forget
the past!

First Dinner Party
Open your home to entertain and eat
Catch up with old friends and new ones to meet
When the night is over share this bottle of wineBut don’t sit down yet – it’s clean up time!!

First Baby
The news that a baby will soon share your life
will make you a mother, not only a wife
You’ll see it through good times and sometimes
through bad
(BRIDE) the loving mother
and (GROOM) the dearest dad
Sadly Lonnie must drink this one alone, and (BRIDE) with an empty glass
Sit back and relax – nine months will quickly pass!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

story of a young lady

cuti kawin
There was this young lady
been with us for the last two years
asking for a week leave
when we were at the peak of activities

but how can I say no
to her appropriateness
being responsible and ever sweet
and now ready to wrap it up
with solemn oath and wedding bliss

I wish her every luck
to open up a new page, a shared page
lianna and .khairul

I keep opening mine
but some pages are found missing.

dienn, i will  go

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

picture of the week: SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU

khas untuk Anja - September 2012
as in flickr

“She Walks in Beauty” by Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

for you Anja

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

doctor sister

medica sista
I was joking with her    
about a doctor lying in bed
waiting for another doctor
to help deliver a baby..

Her little ones had grown
and they keep picking on me
as their taekwon-do sparring partner
everytime we bump into one another
as the title gets shorter, alang.
and they are almost inseparable
to other little one, lienn the new darling

On rare quiet moments
we used to talk on that issue
- the route of a strict traditional family.
Now we seldom talk about it
as we dwell in that house
and she slowly becoming  the matriarch!

- Anja, moga bahagia selamanya
- september 2012

____ Dienn ____ PQRS ____ 

Monday, September 17, 2012

woman in suit, is that you.

she, confident.

and that is the business cut
a real cutting edge
that i had been visualising
of her demeanor
engaging, ever absorbing
into work
so smooth, almost effortless

She will glide
through people and work
keeping everyone on schedule
She will smile
keeping everyone happy
building up enthusiasm

She is ever absorbing
she, professional
She is ever engaging

a lady in suit
a smart lady

That's her.......
a lady i know for years...

- Anja, moga bahagia selamanya
- september 2012

___ dienn ___

Sunday, September 16, 2012

fairlady, very sleek

I wasn't very fashionable
"skema" as you said, or old fashioned
and yet I bought something memorable
for myself, not for anyone else
as I stroll along Likas Bay
on cool windy days
to view the clearest of sky
to sooth the agony and sorrow
to rekindle spirit and bruised ego
to open up the heart to the sky
with familiar setting across the sea
kissing the sweetest of salty air

my fairlady stays there.
not sleezy... but sleek my dear

May your future be as happy and bright
as you imagine.

nissan fairlady
september 2012

Saturday, September 15, 2012

a different laughter

free as a bird
It is never consistent
the laughter that envelops feelings
shall I put it as 10 levels
the highest being naked to constraints
the lowest being so secretive.

It doesn't matter much
unless we want to be too fussy
within ever expanding life
enveloped within ecstasy.

sweet as a flower
It is the expansion of life
penetrating boundaries
to the limit of sanity
on a plain of paradise
tasting honey, caressing flowers,
playing with heavenly birds in the sky.


Friday, September 14, 2012

picture of the week: HORSE RIDING

think it over dear anja...,

Over years
we learn to know more
about each other.

Over years
we explore in depth of details
riding the horse
the tendencies , liking, and  preferences

With him
you cant  just assume
what we have agreed
can be applicable, replicable.

talk about tendencies
I hope you have not forgotten
what had been explored on emotional scale

You did mention  once
about you wishing to ride high
mounting the strongest horse to the sky
as the cliff gets nearer
gasping at every stride
to the horizon, to the edge of time.

I hope you remember about washing plates
by the kitchen sink
and I come in and help
and there we go....
the little secrets.

and with him
you really have to explore
never assume and take things for granted.

you remember about
the way we swim to the shore
deploying strokes after strokes
washing at the sink
laying upside down on the sand
into the depth of morning
and I support you
and the way you support me
as we lay out the route,
the alignment to the nearest shore
and I never a good swimmer.

and how would you lay out the plan?
and as I say, never assume.

would it be best to take steps
as one after another
gauging the level,  mood, acceptance
and the reciprocity.

Shall you....

Thursday, September 13, 2012

dont get angry, it's the nose

I don't wish to be mean
or tease you in any way
but what can I say
because it is exquisite
a bit  bigger than mine
but definitely sweeter, a lot sweeter
when it moves just a little bit
with your giggles.

It is your nose...
I have seen it thousand  times.
and I have been clicking "like", a thousand times.

___ dienn ___
just to share, today is  the day for the first 1000th post.  Only the later entries are displayed since some of the old ones are considered not appropriate out of respect. Some remain as draft, never to be published. I know she will laugh at my stubbornness......

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I pray for your happiness

I always pray for your happiness
as much you would probably do to me

you will have a good start
to begin a lovely long-life
you have the capacity
to get on with it, embroil in it

I dont get on the same path as yours
Mine is different, tougher.
I had to take many years
to get back to the starting point
and even that, my stage is very primary
to go beyond mutual respect, fulfilling responsibility.

But you must go all out
the way you know best.
and in you, I have no doubt.

my dearest Anja...

dienn - ihavtogo- dienn
kalau anja hairan kenapa perlu ada entri
untuk tiap-tiap hari tanpa mungkir janji
terima sajalah, ini usaha memahami diri
dengan menilai semalam dan ini hari
sambil meninjau esuk apa pula akan terjadi.

Tidak ada usaha untuk mengasah bakat
kerana itu hanya untuk orang lain
yang berminat menulis demi duit penuh tekad
blog ini, cuma huraian corak warna  sehelai kain.

Anja tentu ingat esei pertama dulu
dalam email..... esei bukan dengan memaksa
esei berupa hembusan angin lalu
sambil mengawal diri, cinta dan rasa.

___ Dienn ___
I don't write for a living
I write to keep living.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

defining Love and Respect.

We live on mutual respect
made possible with the little one
and the remnants of  love i am dying for
that i had to let go through twist of fate

As time goes, responsibility takes its toll
seizing every opportunity at every pole
as life dwells into polarity
enveloped by respect and responsibility

But where is love?
hmmm....... the wholesome.

and there you are wearing a similar ring
for an agreed future sealed with love
and for a loving  mutual respect, ever lasting
and for an eternal future both must hold ........

Monday, September 10, 2012

a gift, a present, to remember

my blue

your days, your future
There will soon be gifts
It is going to be funny
because it doesn't always come in a box

It comes in a stream
flowing down to become ONE
It has to happen that way
to let in melody and suspense
tuned up with the excitement!!

Note: Didn't I tell you about logging out when you wish to leave internet sessions. Life would be a mess if you, him, she, them all bundled up unrecognisable. It's alright if it done with purposeful intention.

then, what is it for this mysterious business?

three for ONE
What's primarily a business adventure
utilising resources to harness potential
capitalising on ballooning demands
is in fact a noble communal effort.

As business evolves,
new business lane is created
taking in capital and people
to share all the benefits.

The choice is within us
to view business as brutal capitalism
or a decent social development
or a smart collaborative deployment.

I think you know all these my dearest Anja

Note: How's the weekend wedding, was it fun?  You are now beginning to fill up the gap that has been missing all these while. In every gap, there would be threats and the worst traps. Just be careful as you tag  along...

Sunday, September 09, 2012

counting blues

blue shirt i love so much
The other day
I was searching the wardrobe
trying to find shirts
not blue in colour.

I can only find three.

All the rest
is within the shade of blue..

and how nice to see you
in pale blue, purple and yellow
sea of blue
as you change your status
no more sorang-sorang.
no more single.
sweet sangat!

But it's alright to declare,
since the hurt has gone completely in you.... (and I already had a glimpse of the lucky guy. :)... )

Saturday, September 08, 2012

engineer brother

brother: engineer
I am talking about the elder one
which has been staying away
longer than what I did over the south china sea

But he is alright
creating a future of his own
after declining Dad's call for help
to stay with dad, to receive the baton
for dignity and integrity of the family.

I don't complain about sacrificing myself
for the honour of the family
but the engineer brother refusal
signal's his insistence on creating his own route.

The last Raya, his car was full with the little ones...

I am happy for him.

Enjoy your weekend!!

Friday, September 07, 2012

Water: on, in and under

something which should have started years ago.
I cant offer any reason for delaying it
and for the nakedness in me
failing to float and glide
whereas it is effortless with you

and I cant help laughing
as I in the depth of sea water
painfully trying to look handsome
getting myself submerged doing snorkeling.

The water is waist level.....
off the little island in Filipina.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

the colour and the card.

blue card from you
you remember the first raya card you sent?

It is still with me
safe in a box

I appreciate the effort
to write with blue ink
on a blue card.
giving meaning to blue over blue

I will smile whenever I see that
with a slight twitch in my heart.
and I love the neat small hand writings.
didn't I tell you that?

purple dress to you

soon it will be all pink for you. congrat!

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Of the Three

It was Filipina to start with,
a pure business adventure
pushing a certain capital in
and finally taking a certain profit out.

In the end, it evolves into something,
much bigger than we can ever imagine,
It's about helping people to earn a living,
realising their dreams to be better off,
taking them out beyond poverty line.

Then it was Cambodia, Siem Reap.
The eagerness on business adventure
somehow get diluted overhere.
It is becoming a pure community engagement
helping the minority muslims getting the basics.
They had suffered for far too long.
I am in, just to help a little.

Now it is Rohingyas....
the most difficult adventure
which in the end will not allow my presence
longer than necessary
They are in deep trouble
and I cant help much
not in person
not in my physical existence.
My soul is always with them
grieving at the sufferings they have to endure
when men cross the line of sanity.

my dearest,  i seldom cry
but thinking about them, I cant help shedding tears.
when men stop being humans, they evolve into animals.

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

i will not harm you

I would'nt really know how you feel
about me, and my presence.

I have been around for many years
and had been more than a friend.

Everything that had developed is mutuality
a combined volume of needs and demands
on you and me.

And rest assured
that there will never be any signal
of alarms and alerts on my side
that would harm you in any way.

It's all about seeing happiness developing
as big as the tallest mountain in you.

My happiness rests on that.

Update: (but I am trying to figure out the meaning of 13 August overlaps of id... hmmm intended?.... haha)

Lirik Lagu Dan Sebenarnya - Yuna
Oh bulanYang melayan diriku lagiPabila air mata membasahi pipiDan lagu-lagu di radio seolah-olah memerli akuPabila kau bersama yang lain
Adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cintaYang masih bersemadi untukmuDan sebenarnya ku mengharapkanDi sebalik senyumanmu ituKau juga merindui aku
Ku engganBerpura-pura ku bahagiaKu engganMelihat kau bersama si diaOo ku akui cemburu mula menular dalam diriPabila kau bersama yang lain
Adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cintaYang masih bersemadi untukmuDan sebenarnya ku mengharapkanDi sebalik senyumanmu ituKau juga merindui aku
[Bridge]Di saat kau merenung matanyaKu rebah jatuh ke bumiDi saat kau benar benar mahu pergiSeperti ku bernafas dalam airAdakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cintaYang masih bersemadi untukmuDan sebenarnya ku mengharapkanDi sebalik senyumanmu ituKau juga merindui aku

Monday, September 03, 2012

opportunities, three times.

Was it an accident that you bump into me early on. Yes it was two thousand six. You were young, still in school and I was in self imposed exile, repositioning myself after a bout of emotional turmoil. It was standard correspondence between a person and another. Nothing more nothing less.

Then it became a necessity, and we communicated daily, and that also was normal from a person to another. It was the continuous familiarity that somehow evolved stronger, still a normal friendship. I was quite frank earlier on about the two important elements in my life.   Our relationship bloomed further. There moments for withdrawal but the love engine was in full gear.


Firstly about a person that had to go separate ways, mkckzpn had to look after her career and the package that came with it.  A  career, another man with royal ties, and a proposal. I was bitter then for mum and dad refusing to go for a fresh proposal.  I went over to Sabah for a decent exit and a nursing stint for injured soul. Luck was on my side for the quick recovery, having understanding  friends, Gilbert, Albert and a few more, and a rapid developing business.  Then when I mentioned about my sister's friend, you didn't wait long to say it should ended here and now.


and yet friendship continued longer. Somewhere along the way I mentioned about everybody's wish to see me with sister's friend. They thought they were doing me a favour. Dad, Mum, sisters, brothers and the toughest is my very own younger sister, all ganged up to see it through. Again, you thought it was best to say goodbye. I felt sorry for everybody, you yourself, herself and myself. Didn't you remember that lasted for a few days..., and we hanged on to the unstoppable friendship. It was love as we saw it.


and finally when I was around for the convocation, seeing you being so happy with the rest of the family. I chose not to declare for obvious reason. It could make the matter worse bringing you along a tough lane. i am sorry not to end your joyous feeling with something more memorable. I chose to keep to myself and felt so bad. I know I hurt you  for not keeping the promise. But that would probably be the best thing I could do......... I knew you sensed something was not very right. The whole   LLLPPP  added to the turmoil. I knew you felt helpless. I hope you can rest assured that it couldn't come from me.  If I was ever with the slightest dirty shrewd mind, you could by now see those at every corner of the whole world wide web. Nope. I never break the limit of decency and respect.


then there was an .accident i never told you. that brought me down, unable to walk for weeks. There was a long pause, a real break. It was bad of me to bring you along the devastating emotional journey. But I always believe in you being able to get out of the turmoil, safe. 

For whatever that we had gone through, is a milestone in the long journey. We do learn a few things along the way. To a certain point, at hindsight I believe that our relationship manage to keep you contained and safe during varsity days. 

About sister's friend, she is alright but a lot closer to my sister than to me. I have made attempts to close up the gap, but I suppose my injured soul is too hardened to change.  Certain things changed when the little one appeared.  We remain respecting one another, while making efforts to close up the gap. I think the little one has unknowingly helped us through.

Dearest, I wish you luck, and please love him as much as you can. I am trying with mine. Kak N has been patient enough to allow developmental space. Mckzpn has her trailer to busy about and we are in good term.   With you it's different, I don't wish to add salt to wound.........

This would probably be the last blog post. I don't know.....  If you think about it carefully, there is nothing to feel bad and sorry about. It will remain in the many pages of LIFE, and can never be deleted.

Lirik Lagu Jangan Tinggal Daku - P.Ramlee
Jangan tinggal dakuOh adik oh juwitaKanda sedang rinduPada mu yang manis jelita
Hanya dikau seorangOh bintang oh pujaanTempat kasih sayangHarapan di masa hadapan
Andai dinda pergiDaku teman tiadaMeratap sunyiHampa merana
O o o jangan tinggal dakuO dewi O maniskuKanda rindu selaluSenyuman yang manis bermadu
Andai dinda pergiDaju teman tiadaMeratap sunyiHampa merana
O o o jangan tinggal dakuO dewi O maniskuKanda rindu selaluSenyuman yang manis bermadu

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Dearest za-anja

I will no more write about feelings
which has to be left aside
for future path ahead.

The objectivity in life
will form some guidance
for decent journey forward

There would be a few things
I would do for you
nothing that you have to know.

it's all within my capacity
as much as I have done to the Rohingyas
and the Filipinos
and the Cambodians
and other friends.

and you dont have to know....

enjoy your weekend!

DealovaAku ingin menjadi mimpi indahDalam tidurmuAku ingin menjadi sesuatuYang mungkin bisa kau rindu
Karena langkah merapuhTanpa dirimuOh... Karena hati tlah letih
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatuYang slalu bisa kau sentuhAku ingin kau tahu bahwa akuSelalu memujamu
Tanpamu sepinya waktuMerantai hatiOh... Bayangmu seakan-akan
Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku yangMemanggil rinduku padamuSeperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada
Hanya dirimuYang bisa membuatku tenangTanpa dirimuAku merasa hilang... dan sepiDan sepi...
Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku yangMemanggil rinduku padamuSeperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada
Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku yangMemanggil rinduku padamuSeperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada
Selalu ada...Kau selalu ada...Selalu ada...Kau selalu ada...

Saturday, September 01, 2012

Dearest Anja

I can write a lot about you
my dearest anja...

but I would rather contain them
within memories.

as we walked through the years
since two thousand six.

enjoy your weekend!

Milik Siapakah Gadis Ini - Sudirman 
Milik siapakah gadis iniWajah lembut bagaikan suteraIngin hatinya ku milikiApakan terdayaAdakahkan terdaya
Milik siapakah hati iniBagai berkurun lama kesepianIngin aku mencurahkan kasihKepada yang sudiAdakah ia sudi
Lama telah ku impikanGadis sepertinyaMengisi taman hatiDengan cahaya kasih (suci)Siapakah gadis yang ku idam