Ummi ngajar ngaji

Aku sendiri lupa

sejak bila lienn belajar

sebut alif ba ta dan mengeja

tapi hari ini, Lienn dah baca juz pertama.

Ngaji, acara wajib  anak-anak dan ummi 

tiap-tiap lepas maghrib,  hari hari....

sebelum Lienn mula duduk belum berdiri

dan reti sebut dan baca macam anak kecil..

Tapi kini,

Lienn dah lancar,

dia sendiri call opah

bagitau "lienn dah baca Quran.."

rienn pula dah selesa sebut alif ba ta.....
 pelat cara dia, macam eliss juga...

aku jangka lienn akan khatam
dalam tempuh tidak lama, sekejap.
kerana dia bukan baca merangkak
dia baca dengan selesa, kenal huruf , baris dan rangkap.

..............................................dienn

ummi the mother

describing ummi as thin and tall

is a little bit simplistic
and saying ummi, not active in sport
definitely put ummi as being fragile.

she has kelantan roots
with arabic blood along the line
but she never mastered the accent
for being  born in KL.
where she grew up thereafter.......
and in fact I can speak kelantanese better.
ehemm....

she is KN as you know
she is ummi as the two hug for comfort
she is a lady, very soft spoken
she is delicate, cepat terasa.

Over the years we been together
We learn to understand each other
There were times she had to endure my presence
There were times I had to appreciate her presence.

Getting into wedlock, so arranged
Life was extremely cautious
for everyone's sake so to speak
until Lienn came into picture......

the day KN became a mother.....
and slowly the constraints fade away...
but my mind still get itself locked
with dreams of yesterday
on what could have been....

I look at them, the three
they are depending on me
expecting husband and daddy
as what should forever be







dienn..............................
next: ummi ngajar ngaji

she did it once

lienn is big enough
to grasp on norms and expectations


once
she had something to say
while i was engaged in discussion with a friend

"Lienn, can you wait a while"

i saw slight change in her mood
ummi was quick to notice
and quickly took lienn to one side
and settled her concern

and after that
lienn has some understanding
about norms and expectations.
about courtesy in conversation




...................... dienn
next: I call, I sleep

Nasi Arab Cyberjaya.

there is one little restaurant in Cyberjaya
not Saba,  most famous there
but Hummurabi, being a bit smaller
ummi loves the privacy of the place
of eating without too many around.
and of course to avoid crowd,
we pick middle of the month.

Lienn loves to say this
"Ayah, can you finish it?"
I just smile
"I will order one more.."

Lienn loves to help ummi
hand in hand finishing up a plate
of their favorite dish  mandi,  and mine haneeth
while Rienn just play along cubit sikit-sikit






dienn
___________________
tomorrow : a large bird

Snap pics

I love taking photographs        

birth of a smile

mostly potraits and close-ups
the girls and ummi are my constant subjects
i really love the differing mood
as they sit walk and  talk.

It lies at the eyes and the mouth
the most central at changing mood
the lips will twist, move with extreme of feelings
but that little smile will strike me most
as ummi about to share her fun
her jokes, her little cheeky remarks.

ummi had nose and lips
stay apart as they move
as she talk smile and pout

and I can remember your smiles too
lips, nose, eyes, and all......




Dienn............................

ummi

ummi has never been active in sports

in fact fairly thin and tall
she has been very homely
within the periphery of family and all

within that fragile look
she is well organised
nothing miss her glance
she is so good into details

Business sets different pace
peaking at certain economic seasons
It was alright at the beginning
but with lienn and rienn at hand
ummi suffers a little bit.

Now.....

I am beginning to see ummi with deeper smiles
with schedule less taxing, with time more at home
and the two girls are happy with comfort of ummi
I can see how they grow and develop quicker.

I am happy if she is happy....

she learns to decide....

Blue is almost exclusively mine

in cloths i wear

but over recent years i mellow a little bit

allowing ummi to choose concept

for occasions like Raya

and recently as we were flicking through brochures

ummi asked lienn which one she prefer

and surprisingly she said blue......

blue?.... ummi asked

and she just giggled

saying.... macam ayah.

so we all go blues.........

............... dienn.

ummi, a new space.

it must be work and commitment

and the pressure of datelines

to keep the company happy and free

the suffering is rather slow

but now taking its toll

and we agree for a leaner pace

for she can still work from home

and get to office as necessary

as agreed only a day a week....

so she can stay at home

to see the two growing

and honestly i think that's never easy

with the abundance of energy

the two willing to let go.

but to her

stay with the two is everything

for me

as long as it helps, let it be....

.................... dienn.

Of many things

Of the many things

drawing is never my forte

therefore I cant show

anything close to masterpiece

Then came  modern art software

that can convert photo into drawings

as real as done by artist.

It does help

people without artistic veins

to feel what's like to be Leonardo da Vinci 

I had never shown

I find it easier to explore what's in a photo

to articulate the colour and feel of fabric

to appreciate the type of shawl worn

to describe hair flowing with wind

to sense the glimpse of mood

of joy, sadness, cheerful and concern.

and obviously

it would a lot easier to translate

a picture into a classic writing

especially about a person

I know and destined forever.

It's like seeing through the eyes

of Lienn and Rienn

that I see Ummi

of whom I had shared joy and sorrow.

and the drawing is a window

I had never shown

for reason unknown

dienn................................................................

getting away

it's one of those little dreams

wanting to be far from familiarity

as long as we safeguard sanity

to hunt and tame a HOME

HOME

Bangi home offers convenience

for everyone, not far from work

very close to my 18 holes

But I want a different home
far away from anyone else
with just birds and flowers
for the two to roam around
an environment of freshness
for ummi to recuperate
and be happy
and talk about little things
and for me to listen
and be part of the healing process.

Am I being too deep into work
that anything else become secondary
even the two and even ummi.?

But work is something else
always a pillar for the rest to lean on
for the many souls that earn a living
for the many vendor and customers
that we call ecosystem
needing and depending.

I dream for balance
between the many facets of life
of me and the rest


a 10 acre plot
at the foot of small hill
with a house so neat..

and the only worry
is in the name of the locality
I once joked with ummi
if somewhere along the timeline
that fate let me go away first
she would at least remember the name of the place

Janda Baik.


............................................................................ dienn

The Pressure On Her

to work
in the same big set-up
with multi business areas
having husband as the boss
I truly understand the pressure she had to endure.

 It's the big ecosystem
of suppliers, vendors and customers
all having a little say and share.
A little tilt here and there
will disturb the equilibrium
and she continuously look at the balance
and put weightage on every business venture
on a long term scale.

Is she feeling the strain?





................... dienn

Once, Twice

I wonder how she had managed

all the way,  a few years ago

with a child she was carrying

and a husband recuperating
from deadly red-green misunderstanding,
once, on a fine Saturday morning

I can read the tiredness 

in the way she moved

but she managed to hide all

and nothing came out through her eyes

and she let her sweet smile walk by

and now is my turn

I just wonder what she feel

as I do my best to lighten her pain

and assuring her

that Lienn and Rienn are alright.

and I can also read
that she understands Lienn and Rienn
will always be in safe hands
but her utmost concern is always about me
how am I coping with work and life.


and yesterday she struggled to hold back the tears.
It must be the sadness being away from the rest,
or happiness that she be will out, Monday morning.

• click >>  accident i never told you.

................. dienn.

The two and ummi.

Dependence...
Interdependence...

That explained Lienn and Rienn current mode,
when ummi had to stay in hospital, almost a week now.

Both sides came to help out,
but noticeably Lienn began to show her true colour
for being effective on her own
and for being protective of her little sister.
and they both nestle in my arms at night.

Ummi wasn't feeling too well.
Her recent declining mood is the symptom of something far deeper.
The little ones had learnt how to pray for ummi.





..... dienn.

Ummi

She complained about something
in her little way
I am trying hard to figure out
the central issue
of her concern

it's rather out of ordinary
there's glimpse of worry
she had been showing lately

I thought
could it be
could it be?









@dienn

Ummi imposing her standard

It's a slow process
that can easily go unnoticed
how a child is moulded
about boundaries
about orderliness
about good behaviour
and for most about self esteem.

and I do notice
how ummi is imposing her standards
on our two little girls.



..... dienn

rienn menyelinap

agaknya itu sebab

rienn sering menyelinap

bila dahaga.

sleepless nite

when you mentioned about staying at home

and yet working

over weekends

I begin to look at ummi....

I know she has shouldered 

more than what I can

It's about being patient

to go through hardship

without qualms.

So in the end, success in life

requires deep understanding

what's there to achieve.

..... Dienn.

it's ummi

Turn of events

hooked with expectations

and we get on

a blurry journey

In the beginning,
the steps are cautious

to ensure we are on course

and for now
lienn and rienn bind us
- a big responsibility the little ones never realise.

The package is respect and responsibility
and that will suffice to fill up the space
of knots and ties.

We then end up as friends
within the circle of lienn and rienn.





...... dienn.