On term and condition, fate twisting, hearts tearing.

.what i have said, told and reminded to you before.. i say it everytime...days,weeks and months.. untill i have to shut off everything.. and you know when.. and you know why.. you can't stop me from loving you once i said ''i love you''.. it's cruel... you have made a choice.. i don't want to say it many time.. coz it's hurt.. u hear me laugh..cheerful..like nothing happen.. but deep inside me.. you don't wanna know. i'm a good person.. i never hurt people.. i never get a chance to love people.. because i never let myself to be loved..suddenly i did.. for once in my life. i get to know you.. and i said ''i love you''.. are you sure you don't want to see me.. at least for real? you said before.. at least few times.. you refused.. my education.. i know what i want.. i am young woman now.. i can handle myself well now..i know i can do it.. young woman.. can you believe, u the first person who said that to me.. so much ''first time'' with you..and i am going to miss it.. you know what i like about you most..'' hati seni''.. have anyone ever said to you before? let me be the first one to say it to you.. i cry everytime i pray.. when i be alone.. and you can't stop me..again, it's cruel.. this is not like a traffic light.. go whenever the sign or light shows.. stop whenever it turns red.. this is about people hearts and feeling.. yours and mine i am not so sure about you.. you're a man.. man who rule.. and make decision.. you have to know that..everything is in your hand.. i may say it once.. just remember that.. As a young woman.. who have feeling..and crushed on you.. the one that say it out, admitted. she's in love with Kha.. of coz i can never accept.. what will happen soon..sorry to say..but i have to.. picturing you on big day, say someone else's name, declare she's going to be your wife.. and live with her forever..it's a final moment, you, say the word that can only say by you.. not your ayah or mak..or sisters and brothers..or other people..they can only ask you to do so.. but they cannot do it for you..only you abang..Kha.. and then you walk to a room, to meet your wife, soulmate, the one that you will live with forever.. and share everything on first time.. you kiss her forehead.. and the ring.. you hold her hand for a ring.. a witness of all.. and.. you will share your life, everything..every single thing.. with her.. and you cannot stop me from picturing that..or imagining something beyond that..you can't..coz it's cruel.. i may say it once.. sorry to say, it's just.. i never hide anything from you.. not even my feeling.. coz this might be the only time i have..the only chance i have.. i'm a young woman now.. her matuarity can handle herself well education is my priority.. whatever happen..Sorry this speech goes to Kha.. i miss you .. see you when i see you..assalamualaikum.